“You do not know what your life will be like” - James 4:14
There was a prayer many of us prayed in Bible College: “Lord, take my life.” We said it in moments of great emotional swelling, while music was playing and we knelt at an altar. Visions of heroic ministry, of preaching to thousands, of dying in foreign lands for the gospel, filled our minds (put there by verbose and persuasive preachers). To us at that time—surrounded by our friends in that cushy and artificial environment—we knew that to live for God meant exciting and fulfilling experiences as ministers. Most of us were wrong.
It’s been six years since I left that school and among the diverse experiences those years have brought, the pictures conjured in my mind during my BRSM days have not been a part of them. It may be just me; maybe the rest of my classmates went on to experience exactly what they envisioned in those days. But if I’ve learned anything in the last six years it’s this: life turns out nothing like you expect.
It may not be a problem for everybody. Even for many believers, they are content with their lives, however perfunctory and regular they are (as sad as a statement as that is). I have come to realize there are some people out there who don’t have dreams; they never aspired to do anything, be anything, or experience anything great. And as Christians they don’t even want to know God in a unique or profound way. That has never been me. Long before I stepped foot onto that campus I had great aspirations. Perhaps I was incredibly foolish. Maybe I was just extremely proud. The remainder of my life will prove if I was, but for now I’m faced with a challenge of reconciling my current life with what I expected and what I believe.
I know I’m not the only one who faces this problem. In many ways, the long recesses of life, the constant changing of circumstance, can rectify my discouragement. Maybe in ten more years I will be doing all those things. That’s not the real problem: whether or not my aspiration will ever come to fruition. The real problem is how I choose to live right now. Ten years is a long time. Can I stay faithful to Jesus in the meantime? Do I have the perseverance, the patience, the faith, to continue to obey Him during disillusioning, disheartening, and down-right crappy times?
When you’re in the thick of a difficult season, it’s hard to imagine life getting better. These are crucial times—times of growth and testing—when a person has a choice: hold onto their faith and endure or give up and walk away from God. I have seen with my own eyes people give up and walk away. The temptation to do so is strong, especially when there is little in your life that gives you hope or joy.
Maybe in time life will improve. Maybe it won’t. These are the thoughts that run through my mind. Why aren’t I preaching to thousands? I know I can. Forget the fact that I choose to avoid traditional ministry because of the rampant hypocrisy; there are still many people who need to hear the gospel. Can’t I be one of the ones to tell them? What about all those personal goals and desires? What my family and social life? Why can’t all that look the way I want it to look?
I really don’t know if all that will happen. In reality, I don’t know if I will live to the end of today (if I’m being perfectly honest). The only thing I can do is remind myself of the Truth. My life has never been this thing going on on earth. Is not my true life hidden in Christ? Am I not already seated in heavenly places. I may not be able to change my current circumstances. Life may never be what I want it to be. But I wasn’t promised a nice life on earth. I was promised Eternity.
And that, in the end, is more than enough.
